I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
PANTIES FOUND
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