How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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