i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize