why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
