i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
