listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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