She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
