Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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