i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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