he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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