My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
