Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize