I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
