I feel like abortions should bother me more
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
