I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
