I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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