I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
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That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize