I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
