Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
