i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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