i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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