i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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