Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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