yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
he just fucked me for my cheese..
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
