Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
