I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
