Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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