I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
