you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
