bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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