Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I miss vodka workout Fridays
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Your cock deserves a montage
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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