I cannot find my penis.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
