Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
