Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
