I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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