Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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