I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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