he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
