conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
