I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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