We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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