I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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