dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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