Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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