I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
