Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
