well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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