eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
