CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
