he wants to bone in the snuggie
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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