it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Randomize
