She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
