Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
