3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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