If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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