what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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