Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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