I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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