Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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