i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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