that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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