this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
