Nicole vs. Life
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
