While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
