my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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