I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
