Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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